I want to walk in new paths. Where many have tried to tread but none have succeeded. Where fear precedes but your grace abounds. Where purpose and passion combine to produce sounds from the depth of your heart. I want to be who you’ve called me to be. From the very words I speak to the thoughts that I think. From them way I love to the way I reach out. I want my words to speak life and my life to speak truth. I want my eyes to see beyond the present that we live in. I want to be free and not held captive by my thoughts and fears. I want to soar above the clouds with you. I want to walk this earth in truth with you. I want to break out of the norm, I want to be different. I want to make freedom sounds that would break the back of the enemy and cause chains to fall to the ground. I want to you to guide and lead me into freedom, into truth, into eternity. I WANT YOU!

I’ve been seriously struggling with all of these thoughts lately. But that’s nothing new. And it’s not abnormal! It’s the part of being single that I hate, yet know I need to love. I know that through these struggles I find strength in Him. Through these fears I find peace in Him. I know in my mind that I have nothing to fear, whether I find someone or not, but my heart moves like the waves back and forth. But my spirit knows the truth so I shall be safe in the Father’s hands :)

I’ve come to the realization that not only will I be living in Kona for a while, but I’ll be living in this room! So, as you can imagine, re-decorating has begun! I’ve made a list of things I need, I’ve moved things around, and I’ve thought about where to put other things.

This realization is somewhat scary. Scary because to think that I am going to be in one place for so long makes me uneasy. Routine doesn’t inspire me. It does the opposite. Also, to think I’m back in the room I was in when I was in high school semi freaks me out!

In all honesty, when I was in high school I thought by this time I’d be married, have kids, and be living in my own home. But things have turned out quite different than what I thought. I’m not complaining but I’m just realizing that things don’t always go the way you planned. Especially when you’re making those plans you can barely control your emotions or hormones lol. I’m on the brink of 25 and I’d be lying if I said I’m not freaking out. It’s scary to be approaching this age having not accomplished some important things I’ve wanted to. But again, this is not a pity party for one, this is just a coming to terms party. 

As scared as I am to enter 25 without my music being where I want it to be, without my own family being realized, without a husband or boyfriend I am also so confident that this and so much more will come to pass in due time. It’s not easy seeing your best friend’s or family getting married. But it’s also a joy because you know that if they found someone you can find someone too. Not only do I know that through experience but I know that because He has promised me that.

They say the wait is the hardest part, and as true as that is I think it’s also the best part. The most important part. At age 21 I had no idea what I wanted, I didn’t even know who I was. I thought I knew it all but I was far from knowledge, I was far from wisdom. And I’m not saying I have arrived now, but I have come to terms with the fact that I’m not there yet! I am learning everyday, I am making new and old mistakes everyday, I am forgiving, finding freedom, losing myself, finding myself, every single day! Yes I am without those special and important things for the moment but what I have right now is more than I had last year! And I am grateful for that.